5.27.2004
Still an embarrassing thing...
As I've posted before, very little embarrasses me any more. Sure, I get ashamed, but not embarrassed. Except for being sick.
Previously, being ill meant I would groggy-eyedly hide in the back of a class, tissues and a thermos of echinachea tea in hand, mindlessly writing whatever the professor was professing, sucking on lozenges while watching films (I was a movie major) and then stumbling back to my dorm to pass out. Once in a blue moon I would switch a shift at word, or forget class all together.
But now, a company is depending on me. I am the voice of a CEO, the thread into a startup. I need to be there. And I cannot be gross or frightening. My dear coworkers would cheerfully try to make conversation with me today, only inducing from me a series of phloem coughs and occasional gurgles in attempts towards speech. I felt like the sick kid in third grade: the one with the crusty snot down his nose and baritone coughs. The worst part is, my office friends merely waited patiently and seriously asked, "Are you alright?" That's the worst! Laugh, dammit! Say "eeeeeew!" Otherwise I feel like a social handicap. Recognizing the yuckiness or humor signals that you consider it an abnormal ACT, while "bearing with me" points to me as an abnormal PERSON.
But I must say, the advantage of reverting to be a sick KID rather than a sick health-minded homeopathic young adult is the cough medicine! I haven't let myself take medication in ages, not even Advil! Yoga and echinacea have been by second line of defense. Until now, now that there is no allowance for being ill. I must get my body running! I must weaken my pain receptors to get through the day! Let me tell you, 10% alcohol, a bunch of sugar, and some other unpronounceable muscle relaxers can bring some more confidence to the workplace. Screw wine, I'm bringin' Robitassum to the next party!
Previously, being ill meant I would groggy-eyedly hide in the back of a class, tissues and a thermos of echinachea tea in hand, mindlessly writing whatever the professor was professing, sucking on lozenges while watching films (I was a movie major) and then stumbling back to my dorm to pass out. Once in a blue moon I would switch a shift at word, or forget class all together.
But now, a company is depending on me. I am the voice of a CEO, the thread into a startup. I need to be there. And I cannot be gross or frightening. My dear coworkers would cheerfully try to make conversation with me today, only inducing from me a series of phloem coughs and occasional gurgles in attempts towards speech. I felt like the sick kid in third grade: the one with the crusty snot down his nose and baritone coughs. The worst part is, my office friends merely waited patiently and seriously asked, "Are you alright?" That's the worst! Laugh, dammit! Say "eeeeeew!" Otherwise I feel like a social handicap. Recognizing the yuckiness or humor signals that you consider it an abnormal ACT, while "bearing with me" points to me as an abnormal PERSON.
But I must say, the advantage of reverting to be a sick KID rather than a sick health-minded homeopathic young adult is the cough medicine! I haven't let myself take medication in ages, not even Advil! Yoga and echinacea have been by second line of defense. Until now, now that there is no allowance for being ill. I must get my body running! I must weaken my pain receptors to get through the day! Let me tell you, 10% alcohol, a bunch of sugar, and some other unpronounceable muscle relaxers can bring some more confidence to the workplace. Screw wine, I'm bringin' Robitassum to the next party!
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